Defriending

So, I'm still on the iPhone commercial kick. This time it involves the Facebook craze.





An interesting conundrum arose today while I was out at a late lunch and gay bingo. (NOTE: That link I found was one of the top ten things that popped up in a Google Image search for "Gay Bingo". Was she a prize? It reminds me of Ralphie's present from Aunt Clara in A Christmas Story.)

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of about four months. We obviously spent the Halloween and Christmas/New Year's party circuit together and met several of each other's friends. Some of whom we've since friended on Facebook. (Actually, I think only he friended my friends, I don't seem to have any of his in my circle.) Our breakup was pretty uneventful (for me) and amicable (still sad), but it begs the question: should my friends still be friends with him?

There is a new word that has come in to vogue with the advent of social networking. Although not recognized by Webster and his friends, it certainly cuts right to the chase.

Defriend. vt. To invalidate a friendship. "I defriended Eddie because he slept with my boyfriend." see also the most recent episode of Degrassi.

I'll admit I was disappointed in the lack of definitive authorities on this matter in the world wide web. Fear not, the writer has since spent a solid 2 hours of his Sunday surfing search results pages, stumbling upon outdated foreign blogs, and watching Talk Sex With SueJo.

The answers seem to vary:
A friend at dinner (mid 30's, straight male, Austrian ex-pat) believes that, in this case, only the person who requested the friendship connection should end it. This is similar to the old phone etiquette rule that he or she who initiates the call should also end it.

Another friend (mid 20's, confused male, starving artist) said he didn't really mind staying friends with my ex. After all, my ex is a nice guy. I also think this particular friend likes to count his friends.

A great post that touched vaguely on this dilemma spoke from the affected ex's perspective. I have to admit, it would kind of suck to get dumped and then watch the number of friends you have on Facebook drop by double digits.

Taking all of this into consideration, here's my hard and fast rule about defriending:
1. Anyone who pisses you off should be defriended immediately.
2. Anyone who commits a grevous offense to a close friend gets defriended no questions asked.
3. Anyone who you haven't stalked, seen, spoken to, chatted with, or thought about in over a year should be defriended during one of those odd days when you're just cleaning our your profile and realize you still list "Desperate Housewives" as one of your favorite shows.

So, take my poll and let me know what YOU think.

Of course, when in doubt, just don't friend them in the first place. I rarely accept friend requests from people I hardly know. (Which is, of course, a huge double standard considering my behavior on other less social and more carnal networking sites.)

Big thanks to the following sites that have helped prepare this post:
Jure Cuhalev
The Slate
Facebook Etiquette (clearly posted by the worst kind of man)


***Stay Tuned!***

The writer has been steadfastly researching iPhone mobile dating technology platforms and selflessly putting himself out there in the cyber dating world just to give you, the reader, the real story on this emerging topic. Look for a series of articles on the subject coming soon!